March 21, 2018
Dear Laima,
I put on my favorite shoes that morning to go walking to the supermarket. They were black suede booties that laced up all the way a few inches above my ankles.
I also remember wearing ones of my favorite T-shirts: an over-sized black one with a big colorful dragon embroidered on the front: a present that Papa brought from one of his travels to Nepal. I was wearing black cotton/Lycra leggings under the T-shirt. Those well-worn soft stretchy pants were the only ones I could wear comfortably.
Twenty-three years ago today, I walked to the supermarket; 15 minutes there, 20 minutes back (going uphill and carrying bags) while wondering if today was “the day”.
Lunch and dinner passed by uneventfully. No, I don’t remember what we ate.
By about 10 p.m., both Dainius and Grandma were in bed asleep. Papa and I were awake, down in the living room, most likely watching TV.
I went up to the bathroom to take a pee. Yep. That I remember very clearly. I remember because the peeing seemed to last an eternity. “Uh-oh”, I thought. “Is this it? Did I just break water?!”
After finishing up in the bathroom as best I could, I went downstairs to tell Papa that we’d have to go to the hospital NOW.
We scrambled to wake up Grandma, inform her that we were leaving for the hospital, and not to expect us back soon. She’d be responsible for your 2-year old brother while we were away.
I had the foresight to grab a towel with me to bring in the car “just in case…”. Actually, it came in handy because I was biting it ferociously to help calm myself while the contractions were getting really intense during the 40-minute drive. Oh, and the road to hospital: remember the long winding road just before reaching the town? Omg, how my belly whooshed left and right, and back and forth as we were rounding every curve!
Papa finally pulled into the Emergency driveway (someone almost didn’t let him because we weren’t in an ambulance) and an employee helped walk me into the clinic. Papa was told to go park the car elsewhere.
The person leading me then told me to climb up onto a hospital bed (a tall-ish bed on wheels) and I started to weep, “No puedo!” (“I can’t!”) I was feeling so weak that I couldn’t even manage to step up one tiny stair by myself to plop down onto the bed.
After being helped up, a nurse noticed the boots. My boots. The tall lace-up ones with no zippers. She shot me a piercing glance. She knew that she would be stuck with the task of un-lacing these black suede booties, trying to get them off my feet as quickly as possible.
I remember being wheeled into the elevator, and then into an operating room. My vision was blurry and I couldn’t see the doctor’s and nurses’ faces very clearly. I had taken off my contacts back home and hadn’t brought my glasses with, either. But that didn’t matter. I had other matters on my mind, namely, giving birth to YOU!!!!!!
Happy 23rd birthday, dearest Laima!
Model: Laima
Photography by Rod Westwood